dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
last night I used snow as a chaser
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