but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
