Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
