Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
ok first of all what the fuck
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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