drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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