I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
