i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
