I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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