he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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