it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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