i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize