and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
