Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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