wanna go halves on a baby?
I skipped work to stalk him.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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