Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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