I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
