she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize