some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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