So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
