goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
