Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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