you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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