The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize