Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
