You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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