I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize