i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
