i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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