bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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