apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
