Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize