He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
