awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
