We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she peed on how many people?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize