why didn't you poke me back
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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