Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
