i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
