you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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