Apparently you make a good broom.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
