You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
