I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
