i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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