DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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