Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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