i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Fuck appropriateness.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize