I can text with my tongue
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize