It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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