i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
