Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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