Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
