she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize