First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
