just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
