I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
pop tarts are not kleenex
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My ass is underappreciated
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
