I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
