I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
