i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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