dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize