You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize