are you still at the devil's house?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
