it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
