This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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