I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
